I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you win again, gameday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
