1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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