I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
