Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Randomize
