Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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