His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize