i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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