Jerry, you need to find god
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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