Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
