yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
