Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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