The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
