So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
