i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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