i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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