remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize