you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
