a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
