Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
