Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
