It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
