i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize