the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
