you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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