he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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