I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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