I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
