what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
