I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
