You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
