Just cropdusted the office
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
