toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
