I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize