So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
