she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
