this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
