You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize