Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
