went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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