and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
