I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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