im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
