he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
