i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
