i love accidental penises.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
