walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
