Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
