They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
