she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Drake has all the answers
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
