So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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