That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm too high and old for this...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
