This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
