he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
