how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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