dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
