I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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