Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
