you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
