3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
