Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
