everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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