so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
