I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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