she woke up with a sticky ear
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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