No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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