apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
