He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize