mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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