our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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