mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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