Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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