The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
