He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize