I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
