ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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