yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize