Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
