yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
