but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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