tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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