I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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