Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
