You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
