Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize