All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
