Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
