I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
