just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize