i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
