I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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