smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
