No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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