im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She said her name was "party"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your penis caused this!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
God, I missed his penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
