My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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