And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
