Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
