this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
