Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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