When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
