I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Quick, to the slutcave!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
