dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
