somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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