it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
